Rogues' Gallery a.k.a. Biographies

... a few notes on some of the people who run this joint

Loui Pieper,
    Art Director

Gordon Smuder,
    Dark Lord of the Comics

CJ Stone,
    Publisher and Editor

Volkhvy,
    Web Ghod

LOUI PIEPER,
ART DIRECTOR

Biographical details forthcoming.

E-mail the .

GORDON SMUDER,
DARK LORD OF THE COMICS

Being that I have been asked by someone who shall remain nameless to pump out some sort of bogus bio about me, here it is.

I was born with an ultimate knowlege of all things useless, like how many episodes of H.R. Pufnstuf were made. I intend to grow up to be Michael Jordan or Jim Henson (except for the Black part, the tall part, the dead part, and the paycheck part). I was trained by an old woodcarver in Bremen, Germany in the ancient art of Nutcracker-making…quite the hobby.

I am married, so all you clamoring gals out there (and you guys, too) can just forget about it. And don't mess with her, either… she'll clean your clock.

I used to be involved with that pseudo-historical debacle in Shakopee, but since I got married, I haven't been looking to get laid with anybody but my wife…so why go there?

Oh, yes, that "title"…Dark Lord of the Comics…well, lets just say it's a bestowed title…not earned, so don't think I'm in power with all the biggies like M*RV*L or *M*G*, or even D*. I'll just have total and complete control over any comic submissions to Stone Press (HEY!!! Why not SMUDER PRESS? [We favor "Smuder Comics a wholly-owned subsidiary of Stone Dragon Press"—ed.])…so I will be taking bribes at your earliest convenience (Micronaut and Shogun Warrior toys will do nicely). Do not send chocolate! unless, of course, it's a Kinder Egg, and then we'll talk.

Bow before me and quiver! (I'm not really scary, but I think it's funny.)

Gordon Smuder is a special effects technician at a Twin Cities FX house who can have its name put in here for $50,000. He and his spousal unit Jen almost took First Place in the Pro category Costume Contest at WorldCon in 1995, but they took their hats off, and it upset the judges. In revenge, they took First Place in 1996. Gordon is co-author of Starrun, a comic series that ran in "Furrlough." He has worked on several short films and is the creator of a new kid's show called "Rex's Room." His great claim to fame: he did the hats for the talking Ziplock® finger.

E-mail the .

CJ STONE,
PUBLISHER & EDITOR

I was born a small, Romulan child, the son of a poisoning family. Then one day I heard some music—Stoney Lonesome or someone—and I knew these were my people. I had my ears bobbed and my skin lightened, and I got a job doing medical transcription.

Unlike Gordon, I am a cesspool of pointless knowledge. I usually know which actors have been in what movies and shows back to the beginning of time, and I know them on sight, not just by their names. I can identify almost any movie in 5 seconds, even if I haven't seen it. I really like movies and cartoons (animation and strips); comic books seem like both, so I like 'em pretty good, too.

In fact, comics are the great unsung literary form of the modern era, and I take it as a personal mission to get people to recognize their power and depth. Judging all of comics on stretchtight superheroes is a bit like judging all of film by "Gamera" movies. It completely ignores the work of old hands like Will Eisner, and it ignores the brilliant esthetics presented by Scott McCloud. (Anyone who hasn't read Understand Comics: The Invisible Art by McCloud doesn't really know anything about comics.) Comics can have all the nonlinear complexity of film and all the wordsmithing of a novel. The medium is a terminal cross between three different forms of expression—a creative challenge bigger than most people who work in film or in words.

Words are my deal. I like a good joke, a bad pun, a clever phrase, a succinct short story, and a well-written book. I'm the cranky editor you read about at http://www.buybooksontheweb.com, and I'm cranky for a reason, but I don't make stupid suggestions. An editor's job is to help you say what you mean to say, and that's what I try to do in my own ornery way.

I am bespoke of a woman who runs a bookstore (somehow not surprising). I have a college-age son from a Starter Marriage, and he lives with me. The Microgyne and I keep two cats, the only reasonable pet in the city…which no one should take to mean that of all pets in the city, ours are the only reasonable ones. No one in their right mind would characterize cats as "reasonable."

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	VOLKHVY, WEB GHOD With apologies to Scott Adams… but I really do look like this!

I am a cynic (Ambrose Bierce), a low comedian* (H. L. Mencken) and a fool (Bierce again); in short, a good example (Mark Twain) of a curmudgeon. In other words, I'm good… not nice. Like any member of the family Corvidae, I'm attracted to the strange and unusual; also bright shiny objects. My friends find me annoying; at least they would, if I had any. I blame my apparent uxoriousness on my frequently reinforced heuresiselassonophobia. (search: Perseus Project at Tufts University)

I have a degree in multimedia and animation design. (Don't ask… it was a strange school…) I actually earn a living creating computer and web based training programs. As a programmer (and perfectionist) I possess an attention to detail that has been characterized by the anal-retentive as unnecessarily nit-picking.

You can assign any and all praise (or blame) to CJ for my being here; that and my low tolerance to whining. With his persistence, it was either give in and join the rest of these madmen, or add murder to my list of felony arrests. (only one conviction… so far)

* H. L. was describing the Creator (or a creator) at the time.